What Your Worst Thoughts Say About You

flower-face-squareThey say we’re our own worst enemies, and for good reason. Just think back to all those times you called yourself stupid, or told yourself to lose weight, or even when you were suddenly overcome with the feeling that nobody in the room liked you (regardless of whether or not you had any actual proof that this was true). It happens all the time. Thoughts can be bad habits too. And bad thoughts can be especially dangerous because they often seem so normal. But no matter how innocent they seem, they can cast storm clouds over your entire life, and all without you even knowing why things just suck all the time.

And so we thought we would dive into the five most common types of destructive voices raging havoc on your brain, and the ways to banish them for good. We hope this brings you some positive insight today.

 

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IF YOU’RE ALWAYS THINKING
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Life isn’t supposed to be difficult.”
“I have the worst luck”
“The world is against me today.”

You get fired, your boyfriend dumps you, or you get insulted by the barista at Starbucks who gets your order all wrong, you begin to wonder if the world could be conspiring against you. Never mind what you may have done to perpetuate getting fired, and never mind what you could have done to save your relationship. And above all, never mind what the barista might have gone through that day that made them so upset in the first place. No, you are completely innocent and life’s a bitch. We’re all guilty of this to some extent. It’s normal to occasionally feel helpless and unlucky. But when you interpret any negative situation as happening “to” you,  you disregard any control or responsibility you had in the first place. Rather than seeing a difficult situation as a natural part of life and rising to the challenge, you believing that there is something inherently wrong with you, your boss, your ex-boyfriend and your life in general. But consider that life may not be that simple, and that at the end of the day, you’re more in control than you give yourself credit for.

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IF YOU’RE ALWAYS THINKING
“Nothing is going according to plan.”
“My life is always out of control.”

You’re likely a compulsive planner, and have trouble letting go. Life is uncontrollable by it’s very nature. Sometimes things just happen. Random occurrences are a part of life and the best we can do is plan to weather these unexpected storms. And yet many of us waste our lives worrying about things we cannot change or control. If you can’t change a person or a situation, accept that reality. When the unexpected happens, learn to identify what you can’t control (i.e. a boyfriend, the economy, lack of employment opportunities ect) and then deal with what you can control (find a new boyfriend, go back to school, start a your own business). Planning is good, but understand that you have to expect a certain degree of flexibility in life because no matter how much you try to stick to a plan, life will take you where ever it pleases.

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IF YOU’RE ALWAYS THINKING
“I don’t want to offend them.”
“I hope they like me.”
“Do I look stupid?”

You are a serious people pleaser. Not only do you put others’ happiness before your own, that’s probably how you measure your own self worth. We all like to be liked, but it is important to understand that not everyone will, and it’s even MORE important to understand that it’s ok. It is inevitable that, along the road, we will encounter people that dislike us, and often for no good reason at all. To seek the love and approval of everyone we meet is to set ourselves up for serious disappointment. You need to know your self-worth and appreciate yourself on your own. Why ask a stranger to determine the value of your dollar if you can set the value yourself?

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IF YOU’RE ALWAYS THINKING
“I can’t be happy until I get this under control.”
“I have to be the best.”
“I need to lose weight.”
“This isn’t good enough.”

You are very likely a perfectionist. This one is the most poisonous of all. It holds you in a mental prison where you are not allowed to make any mistakes – a single mis-step and you confine yourself to the psychological equivalent of flagellation. Also, it means that it becomes immensely difficult for you to complete anything you start since any minor flaw in the design will either have you feeling like you’re not good enough, or that the whole project isn’t worth finishing. With these thoughts running through your head you will never be kind to yourself. You will stand in front of your mirror and hate yourself as passionately as an enemy; picking yourself apart as if you were a poorly constructed work of art. You can’t imagine being happy until you’ve lost those extra pounds. The simple truth is that perfection does not exist, and is for that reason unattainable. The sad consequence of thinking that anything less than perfect isn’t good enough, is that you will whole-heartedly believe that you will never be good enough.

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IF YOU’RE ALWAYS THINKING
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I feel like a kid in an adult’s body.”
“I’m not cut out for this.”

You are likely experiencing the standard existential crisis that comes with not having a spine, at least not when it comes to betting on yourself. You’ve probably never made the conscious decision to believe in yourself, instead opting to believe that faith in one’s self comes from some external source or milestone. Having faith in yourself is not something you stumble into eventually, but a decision you make every day when faced with difficult decisions. One of the biggest misconceptions about growing up is that once it happens, we suddenly know exactly what we’re doing. Magically, in a flash of birthday wisdom we figure out our lives and suddenly become the confident, level-headed adults we always wanted to be. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. You will likely feel a little lost and uncertain for the rest of your life. First it’ll be about your career, then it’ll be about love, then about becoming successful, then about children, then about growing old and finally about dying. It simply never ends. It may sound like bad news, but it’s not. It’s just life. Realize that no one expects you to know what you are doing from the get go, and know that you are amazing enough to figure things out on your own. Just believe in yourself and know that you will figure it all out.

Natalia Borecka

Natalia is the editor in chief and publisher of Lone Wolf Magazine. She founded the publication in 2012.

5 Comments
  1. Jack Yang says:

    My though effect my a lot, before I go to bed, I always think about what can I do in the future, and worry about everything.
    It makes me really tired and live under the pressure. I consider thought is not mess you up, it’s help you to clear your confuse, and guild you to go forward. Don’t live in your imagine, if we want to do something, and we consider it’s right.Don’t hesitate, just do it , and believe we can.

  2. Hey Natalia, late comment but thanks for this – really concise and clear but totally affirming at the same time. Just what I needed to read but didn’t know it!

  3. When I was a teenager,I thought that it was very important to be a perfectionist,I liked to be liked,this thinking seems like a pure,i believe that every teenager wants to get everyone`s approval.However,we are growing up gradually,a lot of external factors begin to affect our thinking,even change our lives,we have to face all kind of the setbacks,which make us upset and timidity,we become to be more and more imperfect,but,as we all know,perfection is just a kind of illusion,the really important thing is how to make ourselves to be a valuable person.I will define value as brave,bravely facing everything,no matter how hard that may be,failure or success.Thereby,as with the point above “if you`re always thinking”,you will find your thinking will be changed by yourselves.because we all grew up.we have to enjoy the real lives~come on~!

  4. Abdalrhman Alotaibi says:

    Most of people thoughts effect their lives. some people have good thoughts and effect their lives positively. And some people have bad thoughts which effect their lives negative. So, for me I always try to think and have good thoughts especially when it regards my life. Because my life is my everything. I admit that some of my thoughts are not good as I want them but thanks god anyways. Deep thinking about something before you make a decision is a good way to avoid bad thoughts effect.

  5. Abdullah Alabbas says:

    My thought is always with me ,but sometimes before bed i figure out that i did something bad for my friends or i said something missed up, so when i meet them the next day i try to let them know that i was joking. no one is stupid but it’s about my act and my picture that how people see me and what the way how they looking at me make me think hardly to know what’s in their mind . for example when they look at me i will ask myself “do they look at how i;m look like or my clothes”. it is just small things and not everyone is perfect but each one try to make him/her self better then the other people.

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